“It was the worst of times…it was the worst of times.” That’s exactly how I felt and what I thought when I entered the double doors at Boynton. I was back again. That’s right; I’m a repeat offender here at The Shed. It wasn’t long before a tech asked me the famous question: “Are you finished?” That’s a question that I ponder every day here in South Florida. I may ponder it for the rest of my life. The one thing I do know is that I don’t ever want to feel the way I did when I got here this time around. It was an emotional bottom that I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy.
So now what? Go to meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps, and help others. I knew that already. That is something I have to work at everyday: finding a new way of life. I’m back at a place that I didn’t want to ever come back to; I’m surrounded by people I normally wouldn’t associate with. It’s so hot in FL and to top it all off I’ve lost everything. Can anyone else relate?
But there is a solution. When I worked my steps for the second time, it wasn’t nearly the catharsis it was the first time I worked them. It was simply a reminder that I haven’t changed much…still utterly selfish! I have to change my ways; the change has to come from within… that’s why I’m here. I have to remind myself that The Watershed is an institution, but I’m not serving a prison sentence. I have to utilize this place for all that it is worth. The only thing that can get in my way is FEAR (Forget Everything And Run).
Thoughts of fear are most dangerous when they parade as forethought. Combat fear by replacing it with faith. Resist worry with confidence. I’ve been running long enough; it’s time to grow and move on.
One last thing…whenever I feel like I’ve “got this thing” and I don’t need any help, I remind myself of this: “And the book says, we may be through with the past, but the past is not through with us.”