I Hated Life And Myself

From Good, To Bad, To Worse
July 24, 2017
Walking in God’s Grace
August 2, 2017

I Hated Life And Myself

So what brought to The Watershed was I have been using IV heroin and alcohol every day for about 6 years since I was 16 years old, I’ve seen friends die at a young age and was raped at age 13 multiple times. I was depressed I hated life, myself and everyone in it. I destroyed my own life and in the process destroyed the lives of the people around me which I was too blind to see until after I got sober and realized that this doesn’t only affect me but the people around me as well. I robbed material things, money, personal items, and also the one thing they can never get back and that’s time from my friends and family. Towards the end before I came down here I overdosed for a third time and was pronounced dead for a few minutes before I was brought back. To give you a mindset of where I was at mentally I was begging the paramedics to leave me on the side of the road so I could finally just die and end this suffering. After that I continued to use and get into more trouble and was finally jobless and homeless. I received a text message from my uncle with The Watersheds number, I was hesitant to call at first but I took a look around it was the middle of winter I had a pair of shorts, a shirt, and shoes with no socks on, waiting outside, freezing waiting to go get drugs to not even get high but to just not feel sick and to feel semi normal.

So I called made my way down here after being stuck at the airport for two days sick as a dog feeling like I was going to die, but I didn’t leave cause I knew I never wanted to feel that way again. Got down here to Florida and started my journey in The Watershed. I’ve been here since January 3, 2015, so I’ve had my slip ups here and made my mistakes because this is not an easy journey but it was one worth doing. Since I’ve been here I’ve broke just about every rule there is and caused a lot of trouble for staff at all levels I was a f*** up, but the staff here never gave up on me and always believed that I could do this and always stuck by my side and backed me up at times they wanted to kick me out cause they knew I wasn’t a lost cause and that I was worth something to someone, I just had to figure that out for myself over time.

This place has given me my life back and helped teach me how to live a good life; I would most likely be dead right now if it wasn’t for The Watershed. I am forever grateful for this program and the people I’ve met and the ones that work here that have helped me get through a lot of issues and through a lot of problems. To the person that is coming in or thinks that this is just a vacation it’s not, I’ve had just as many bad times in sobriety that I’ve had in the midst of my addiction. I lost countless friends the girl I loved and the child I was having during my sobriety but not once did I ever think about picking up a drink or a drug cause that will do me no good and get me nowhere in life. I pay my bills today I have money in my pocket I have true friends, I can go do fun things today and not have to be drunk or high to have fun doing them, I have my family back and can be there for them when they need me, I’m loyal and trustworthy today and someone you can count on now due to this program. I live my life one day at a time today cause that’s all we have and we never know if we will have tomorrow, so why not be sober and be happy for when that day comes.

I’ve been through a lot in my life but I am grateful for everything that’s happened cause it’s made me the person I am today and now I’m able to share my experience and help others that are going through what I’ve been through and that’s better feeling to me than any drug or drink ever was. This isn’t going to be easy, it is going to suck at times and you are going to want to just go back to what you were doing before, but trust me it gets better and it’ll get easier over time as long as you stick with it and do the right thing. I don’t have much, I don’t have a car or a license and I’m 25 years old. But I can tell you that I live a life beyond my wildest dreams because I never dreamt of living this life and being alive at the age of 25. So if you’re struggling and looking to get help stop waiting and making excuses and grow up, pick up the phone and call someone or nothing will ever change.

Lewis M.