From Good, To Bad, To Worse

My Story of 39 Years of Drug and Alcohol Abuse
June 15, 2017
I Hated Life And Myself
July 24, 2017

From Good, To Bad, To Worse

Here is my story…First of all let me start off by saying that my name is Kev & I am an alcoholic. I came to TWS on 9/11/16 & really didn’t know what to expect. But before I get into all that let me tell you a little bit about what it was like & what brought me here in the first place. I’m originally from Long Island, NY & then move to CO when I was about to be 15. Anyway my grandparents raised me & a lot of my family members (including my mom are alcoholics). I had my first drink around the age of 12 & that was that. I didn’t really just dive into alcohol like that, but I did start smoking weed shortly after. I basically smoked a lot with my friends & during the majority of my high school years. Along with that came a lot more alcohol & crystal meth. Now that is definitely one drug that I never liked but always did. Now I don’t think I need to get into all the “war stories” as they call them, but let’s just say that I partied with the best of em & the worst of em during my 20 years of being out. A few things I can say is that I moved around a few times, got married, raised a family & owned a few homes & vehicles. After all those things & some downs & then ups with finances & jobs, I still had my trusty bottle with me. A big part of my story is control & entitlement.  You see as I began to be blessed with more things in my life & I thought I was living the “American dream” I became very entitled to me drinking. My disease had me right where it wanted me & I didn’t even realize it.

 Eventually things went from good to bad to worse. Now I had felt for a long time that I was an alcoholic, but I wore it more like a badge of honor ya know for bragging rights that I could just drink, drug & party & keep on going & function like a normal person. In 2015 is when I really started to hit my rock bottom. My marriage was in shambles…all we did was fight, my house was on the risk of foreclosure & I was working side jobs & things to feed my habit. Needless to say my wife & I where separated in the same house & I don’t know if you’ve ever tried that, but let me say it is not fantastic at all! So in August of that year I came down to the St. Pete area of FL. To stay with some family & keep myself from going to jail because my wife & my fighting was starting to get out of control. I had still commuted back & forth between CO & FL so we could close on our house. When I came back down to FL for good, she stayed back there & let’s just say something happened that completely broke me. Ya know I can definitely say that a broken heart is the most excruciating pain I have ever endured…alcoholic or not. Although the way my disease had decided it was the perfect opportunity to take me to the deep end. That was the first time I realized that I was truly an alcoholic, that I was simply that & it was no one else’s cause or fault that I drank the way I did. Now I was never suicidal but I did not care if I died from drinking, I had just figured at least I would die with a buzz. Now this state of depression, anxiety, isolation, self-pity & victimization lasted for another year & no one or nothing could pull me outta my “funk”.

 I was heading downward so quickly, my liver & kidneys hurt every single day & I remember drinking just to try & stop the pain. I was physically, mentally, emotionally & spiritually bankrupt. After a short stent on my own to try an AA meetings & look into a few sober living options, I then looked up help/support on good ole Google. Now let me tell you the first place that popped up was TWS. I wasn’t sure what it was but I did call the number & I spoke to a guy named Gary. Now I didn’t know Gary for nothing but I opened up to him & spoke to him for a total of about 2 & a half hours that day. When he finally asked me when I wanted to come to treatment, I told him yesterday. He booked me a flight for the next day which was 9/11 & I didn’t even think about the date until I was actually on the plane. Apparently God was looking out for me, because I landed safely. I met the driver at the airport & headed to Boynton, the last thing I did before I went into admissions was talk to my wife & kids on the phone. Anyway I didn’t know what to expect here but I just did what I was told…I went to all the groups, talked to my therapist & reached out for sober support with the other patients. As I progressed through the different levels of treatment in the program I started to learn more & more about the disease of alcoholism & addiction. My eyes, ears & heart where opened to the reality of things.

 I knew that I needed to put as much of myself into this program as I did for my drugs & alcohol. I was blessed to have a great support from my peers, many staff members & alumni throughout the program. I also found a great sponsor who gives me suggestions, taken my through the 12 steps & does not co-sign my bullshit. I attend meetings almost every day, have a home group & am accountable for my mistakes. I also just recently moved over to sober living & am now employed at TWS. Now if you would have asked me a year ago where I would be, I wouldn’t have a clue, I felt like I had no purpose. But today I am now 10 months sober, I have a better relationship with God then I ever had before & am truly grateful for my life today. I have no idea what the future holds & that is just fine with me because as long as God is leading the way all I have to do is lace up & follow.

Thank you,

Kev O.