Alcoholic From New Mexico

Impact Letter Every Mother Needs to Read
May 9, 2017
Watershed Family
May 22, 2017

Alcoholic From New Mexico

I’m Brent R. an Alcoholic from New Mexico, where do I start??  Well I am a .3 at The Watershed and I have had the privilege of experiencing both the Texas and Florida Watershed facilities.  I am currently a resident of the Florida Watershed residing in the ¾ residential part of the program.   I ask myself quite often what is different this time with my treatment at The Watershed why I am succeeding beyond my expectations of success. 

My life started out being born one of two I have an identical twin brother and I also have an older sister.  I am Native American, Navajo to be exact.  I grew up in what I thought was a normal house however, not till later in my life did I come to realize how dysfunctional my family was and how it would affect me into my adulthood.  My father was an abusive alcoholic that has passed on a couple of years ago from this disease.  I loved my father but I also did not like him at all for all the negative experiences I was put through growing up, the fears of him not coming home due to crashing then the absolute fear of when he did get home for what I knew was in store for us that night.  My father was a good man when he was sober when the drink got into him that was another story he was an arrogant, untruthful, cheating husband and absent father.  My mother who does not have any addictions except for being the families chief enabler raised us and did what she could to be the best parent possible and to this day still does try to be my biggest influence.

Back to me, I graduated from High School and due to my insecurities and not wanting to appear fearful I enlisted into the Marine Corp.  My first drink had occurred a few years prior when I was in high school however in the service my drinking took off and I was experiencing black out quite frequently. I injured my right hand in an alcohol fueled spree one evening and after two years and two surgeries and months of painful rehab I was discharged from the USMC with a slight disability.

I moved back home and started doing what I thought was next – go to college.  I was forced to go to rehab prior to my discharge from the service so at this point in my life I was not drinking and doing quite well.  I met my soon to be ex-wife during this period and graduated college during which I picked up the bottle again and it seemed my drinking picked up where I left off.  I fought the urge to drink more or less semi-successful during this time due to my new wife and a promising career as a New Mexico State Police officer a dream of mine I had developed those many years of the police coming to my house to save my mother.  Life was going well I had accomplished what I thought was all that defined success.   I was a Veteran with a college degree had a lovely wife, two healthy kids I love with all my heart a beautiful home, vehicles and I was miserable. 

The dark part of my journey started at this point.  I was going out of town a lot as a bomb team member with the police department and while out of town my drinking would be non-stop.  I had told my wife I would stop drinking after a divorce from infidelity however she took me back and we re-married so I was hoping to do it right this time.  It was during this time I was on an out of town assignment when I got behind the wheel of my police car and was pulled over by another cop from another town.  I woke up the next day thinking this was a nightmare I had the previous night however it was not a dream I soon found out my career was over and I could only think of me during this time not giving a thought to the cops career I had ruined also who failed to arrest and took me back to my motel instead of jail.  I ended up getting a divorce again however it was not from this incident I had been unfaithful again, I had this inner void in my soul I was trying to fill and it seemed to get darker and deeper with everything I put into it, the lying the cheating the drinking.  I realized I had turned into my father the man I did not like and this was not good at the time It just made me feel worse about who I was and after having succeeded at so many endeavor I had started I was now living back at my mom’s house in a beat up car and unable to hold a job.  My health was going due to my drinking also I experienced two different hospital stays due to parities attacks and felt like I wanted to die.  I would drink myself to sleep at night just to be bitter I woke up the next day to have to figure out how to get my next bottle of bourbon.  I knew something had to change so my journey with The Watershed began, which I won’t detail my first two stays too much; I will just say I thought I was ready the first two times to stop.  This time through, my third time I was no longer really going to get well I was going to The Watershed to run from my problems and when I arrived at the airport I found out I was going to Florida, YIKES!!!  I was hoping to go back to Texas I was comfortable there, maybe too comfortable.

Today as I sit here and write this testimony trying to keep it short I realize I am succeeding today because I took all options of going home off the table and relied on no one but my Higher Power to guide and direct me.  It was very scary at first, this thing we call Faith.  Tonight I can honestly say I live a life full of faith with direction.  The promises have materialized with in me and I have not left Florida.  I arrived in Florida August 3, 2016 and its nine months later and I am still here.  What is different this time for me well I can only say everything is different I took that chance to work a program and allow myself to soar.  While at work the other day, (by the way I am a supervisor making great money) I was waiting for the rain to stop.  As I was reflecting I realized as the sun was breaking through the clouds that the sun was also breaking through my inner storm that day.  No longer do I choose to sit in the storm, I choose to do something about it and now my sun is shining within me I no longer live in the dark.     

Brent R.