Depths of Hopelessness

Worthy and Worth It
February 28, 2017
How I Found Myself
March 13, 2017

Depths of Hopelessness

In November of 2015 I had found myself in the depths of hopelessness. My mother handed me a phone and a man asked me when I wanted to come in. A few days later I walked through the doors of Boynton; I didn’t know what I was in for. Having never been to a treatment center before, I figured I would spend 30 days tops there and head back home with the knowledge and understanding of addiction so that I may “control” my using (if that was even possible). I didn’t know what I was looking for but I knew I came down here with the intention of learning as much as I possibly could in the “short” amount of time I would be staying at The Watershed. Well, those 30 days turned into 8 months. What I learned was that I needed to practice the principles behind the 12 Steps every day in order to stay happy. I got a sponsor, worked my steps, and continued working them by giving back and helping others down the path of spiritual progress.

Early July of 2016 the day came when it was time for me to leave The Watershed. I went back home to New York and hit a meeting my first night home. It was weird…usually I felt more at home in meetings than I did in my childhood home. continued going to meetings, “looking” for a new sponsor and sponsees; however, I eventually began procrastinating and finding reasons not to get a new sponsor. My prayer and meditation slowly fell off and eventually the only thing I was doing was going to meetings and going straight home. The meetings were eventually cut out as well when I began working a demanding job. I told myself day after day, “I’ll hit a meeting tomorrow.”

What I was doing was lowering my defense against picking up, bit by bit, until there was no defense whatsoever. Although I wasn’t actively seeking substances at the time, once the opportunity was in my face I took it and ran.  I didn’t use for a week after my first time this was when I could clearly differentiate between the obsession and the withdrawal symptoms, which is something  I had never been able to do before. I tried to get back into the rooms and start working the steps again. Though I’d been through it before, that 30 day chip was the hardest thing to get and I had never done it at home before.

I made the call to The Watershed on my own this time and back down here in October of 2016. I came back because The Watershed provides boundaries in which I certainly couldn’t keep on my own. I came back because the community at The Watershed is great and I have amazing friends here. I came back because the staff here knows what it’s like to be in recovery and care about the patients (contrary to the reviews I previously read online). The Watershed provides everything one needs for a great foundation on the road to recovery. Today I couldn’t be more grateful that The Watershed took me back. Actually, that’s a lie; I couldn’t always be more grateful…but nevertheless I am extremely grateful to be here, to be sober, and to be happy.  God Bless.

Ryan P.