Broken Is An Understatement

Sobriety is Both Liberating and Empowering: 4 Years Later
June 14, 2016
Started From The Bottom
June 16, 2016

Broken Is An Understatement

Broken is an understatement, shattered seemed to be closer to where i was mentally, spiritually, financially, and continued into breaking apart my life and family. The mirror seemed to be the most truthful thing I had around me, even when I was staring at myself and still didn’t know who I was, because I couldn’t find myself. I didn’t know who I was anymore, my entire identity was lost. I was powerless over drugs and my entire life. I was chained to what I once thought was the love of my life, when in reality it turned out to be the devil. In searching for freedom in drugs, I found nothing but pure loneliness. I was in a place in my life where I didn’t care about anything or anyone besides getting high. I wasn’t worried about what I needed to do in order to get my next fix, whatever length I had to go to I was willing to go to that. I had found my outlet, getting high and not having to worry about my feelings, everything was numb and I loved it.

It started off as something fun, and occasional high, then it became a couple times a month, couple times a week, I thought my life was fixed. I didn’t have to deal with anything, I didn’t have to feel the pain I was causing myself and everyone around me that I loved. Before I knew it, everyday turned into multiple times a day, and then unfortunately I couldn’t function without it. It was no longer a matter of want; it was a matter of need. There was no me without being high, I didn’t know who I was, the only thing I  knew was running from my problems. The thought of my everyday moment, everyday hour of every day was me myself and I. Lying, careless, selfishness was who and what I became. I used every excuse to justify why I needed to be high all the time. I thought I was able to get high and no one knew boy was I wrong.

March 17th, 2016 I started looking online for rehabilitation centers near me (which was not in Florida.) 3 times The Watershed ad had shown up on my screen, which I continued to exit out of, because surely my insurance wouldn’t pay for me to travel to Florida and I didn’t have the money to do it myself. So I called several rehabilitation centers near me and they all proceeded to tell me that I would be put on a waiting list for bed and they would contact me when one would become available. For the 4th time, another Watershed ad had popped up onto my screen. So I clicked on it and entered some information. Within ten minutes I received a call, spoke with the kindest women, and was told they would accept me and my insurance, which was not listed, but she has spoken with the director and got me a bed. They booked a flight for me the next day. A sense of relief overcame me and I felt like I had such an amazing opportunity in front of me. I knew it wasn’t coincidence that the ad kept coming up, that they went out of their way to get me a bed, to make sure I had a nonstop ticket. God had laid an opportunity right in front of me. My second chance had arrived and it was time to change for the better, this time it was make it or break it for me. I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I was tired of being co-dependent on a drug, unreliable, and worst of all unlovable.

Restoration was much needed and The Watershed was offering that to me. God guided me to The Watershed, and offered me this opportunity. I have done everything for myself to get to where I am today, but I know I couldn’t have done it on my own. Opportunity, Hope, Guidance, Suggestions, Love, Grace and the patience offered to me by everyone at The Watershed and the community in it was incredible. Not only was it given to me, but gives me the opportunity to now share that with someone who doesn’t have it. I never thought my life would have ever been so broken, and once it was broken, I never thought it could be fixed. My life became better then fixed, it was restored.

My experience, the staff, therapists, meetings, community, and the love, changed my life. I am currently 83 days clean and sober. I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. Grateful doesn’t even compare to how I feel today. Today I lost yet another friend to drugs. My heart is so broken for her and her family. This totals the 6th friend I have lost in the last month. Being clean and sober was a terrifying thought to me at one time. Now it is the best thing that has happened to me. I am so thrilled and grateful for the experience I had, the knowledge I gained, the strength I earned, and the patience that got me here today. No one said it’s easy, because it’s not, I can promise you it is worth it. I never thought that I would be happy again in life and I am the happiest I have ever been. Serenity is waiting and there is a solution and the requirements are easy, you have got to want it more than anything and be willing to do whatever it takes. Today I wake up happy, grateful, blessed, loved, trustworthy, beautiful, caring, reliable, and the list goes on. My suggestion to everyone who is in need of peace and serenity from this disease, ask for help. Don’t wait on the world to change, change it right now. Thank you again to The Watershed, I can never repay what you have given to me, just know I will forever be grateful and I will ALWAYS share my experience, strength and hope.

Forever grateful &  recovering addict,

Lauren M.