The Story of Benjamin Bigbritches

Self Help Does NOT Work
September 25, 2013
In the Blink of an Eye
November 21, 2013

The Story of Benjamin Bigbritches


Listen to: The Story of Benjamin Bigbritches
Read by: Rebecca Balko
Length: 8:09




Benjamin-BigbritchesOnce upon a time there was a man by the name of Benjamin Bigbritches who had lived somewhat of an unsatisfying life. Benjamin Bigbritches was born of humble beginnings at St. Vincent’s Hospital in Birmingham, AL. When Benjamin was delivered into this world he immediately became aware that it was cold and Benjamin DID NOT like being cold…so he began to scream. Benjamin was cleaned, given a little bitty baby diaper, wrapped in a warm fuzzy blue blanket & taken to a room with many other babies. As he scanned the room, Benjamin realized that he was three rows back from the viewing window, (not in the front), and Benjamin did NOT like that. He also noticed that the baby beside him had a much “fuzzier” blanket than his…but what really got to him, was that the baby in front of him, (whose diaper was being changed), had a monogram on his diaper! Benjamin WANTED a monogram diaper…and so he began to scream!

Well, time went by and Benjamin Bigbritches was about 36 months old, sitting in the front of a grocery cart…sucking happily on his passy. Benjamin’s mom was looking at vegetables when Benjamin happened to notice the baby in the cart beside him had a REALLY cool passy in her mouth…and Benjamin wanted that passy! So do you know what he did?? Why he screamed out, “GIVE MEEEE DAAT PASSSSYYYYY!!!” – reached over, yanked it right out of that babies mouth and stuck it directly into his own! His mother was horrified! She tried to reason with Benjamin because when she was finally able to retrieve the passy and return it, he was screaming his head off.

Benjamin Bigbritches finally began school…his tendency for dissatisfaction having only grown worse. The school he went to was not the one he wanted to attend. The teacher he had, (no matter which one), was NEVER the right one. The subjects he took were either to boring or not the right kind. His mother found that no matter what clothes she bought him, they were either not the right color, style or were just plain wrong. Even when Benjamin made friends…they were never the right friends, because Benjamin always wanted the friends he didn’t have. Benjamin made it to High School and had a 4.0 grade point average, but could never be content with that. He argued with the school board that there should be something “higher than average”. Benjamin Bigbritches somehow managed to get a girlfriend. She was a very sweet, beautiful, kind, intelligent and incredibly patient girl. But as you might guess, Benjamin Bigbritches wanted somebody “better”. Benjamin graduated at the top of his class, but wasn’t happy. In fact he had never wanted to be the top of his class…he had wanted to be the top of the class the year ahead of his! Benjamin went off to college and of course, shortly after arriving was quite unhappy with the school, its faculty and their curriculum. He spent his college career trying to show everyone how things could be better. Benjamin graduated at the top of his class once again and decided that from this day on he no longer wished to be called “Benjamin”, he preferred Mr. Bigbritches! When he obtained his first job at a prestigious law firm he quickly became disappointed in both the firm and his boss, because he noticed how much both were lacking, compared to what ideas “he” had on how they could be better…BIGGER! So Mr. Bigbriches decided to begin his own law AND advertising firms… BIGBRITCHES LAW – We are BETTER and we are BIGGER! He ultimately was very successful, although he could never enjoy it…because he couldn’t escape seeing how his business could be better…BIGGER, if only they worked a little harder.

Mr. Bigbritches never married, because he could never find that “perfect” woman. He never had kids – thinking that most likely they would have hindered his ambitions and wouldn’t have measured up anyway. He made TONS of money, but could never be satisfied, because there was always someone who had more than him. Bigbritches had a REALLY BIG house, (many of them), but there were always bigger houses and people who had more than him. He owned many cars and boats, but alas he could still NEVER feel truly satisfied.

One day, in his BIG house, with his beautiful furniture, looking out at his BIG pool…Mr. Bigbritches died – all alone. He arrived at Heaven’s gate anticipating FINALLY meeting St. Peter. However, it turned out that Peter was on vacation and the saint working the gate that day was named Howard. Howard looked at him and said, “Benjamin! Come on in!” Benjamin, (irritated with being called Benjamin), said, “The name is Mr. Bigbritches and what’s more, WHO are YOU? You don’t look like Peter to me.” Howard stared at Bigbritches, (with some amazement), and said, “St. Peter is out right now, I’m St. Howard. Is that a problem?” Bigbritches looked him up and down and said, “I haven’t come all this way to be let into Heaven by a little saint named Howard! After all, I’m Mr. Bigbritches, don’t you know anything??” Howard, (trying to maintain his patience), looked at Bigbritches and said, “Well, I’m it and coming in here is a one shot deal. Either you come in with me opening the gate…or you go to the other place.” Howard could NOT BELIEVE his ears when Mr. Benjamin Bigbritches announced… “Well then I’ll just go there! It’s GOT to be better than here!”

Of course, this is just a story…just make believe. But although an exaggeration, haven’t we all known a Mr. Bigbritches? Better yet, haven’t we ever BEEN a Mr. Bigbritches at one time or another? Isn’t it easy to loose the joy found in each moment, each experience, each gift…when we allow ourselves to give in to the idea that there is something MORE…something BETTER…something BIGGER?

I know that for me, this tendency can be so subtle in nature. For example: When I had 30 days sober…I wanted 60. When I had 60 days, I wanted 6 months. When I had 6 months, I wanted a year. When I had my first car, (which was used), I wanted a new car. When I got my first apartment, I wanted to have a house. When I got a house, I wanted new furniture…etc…However I’ve found that 9 times out of 10, when I am feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled, it is almost always because my eye has wandered, I’ve “compared myself” to someone or something else and have lost what was once a feeling of joy, gratitude and contentment. Of course the solution is quite thankfully an simple one:

I remind myself that I shouldn’t even be here. I should have perished many years ago. However I was spared and given another chance. ALL that I have and ALL that I am is because of grace and mercy. Not what I have “earned”, but rather what I have been “freely given”. Remembering this I find myself filled with peace and contentment… my mind then eagerly geared to what I can “give” rather than what I can “get”.

© Rebecca Balko 2012